Sex Ed, Sex Toys

How to Use a Fleshlight: A Simple Guide for Beginners

The fleshlight is a popular male sex toy that significantly increases and improves the solo pleasure sessions.

But getting the most out of it is more than just unboxing it and diving in.

If you’re new to fleshlights or sex toys overall, it’s best to understand the basics first to ensure a safe and enjoyable experience.

In this guide, we’ll go over the proper technique and the steps on how to use the fleshlight effectively.

But first, let’s go over what is a fleshlight and how to use it:

What is a Fleshlight?

A Fleshlight is an adult sex toy for men that resembles a pocket pussy. It was invented as a discrete sex toy that resembles a flashlight – hence the name “fleshlight”.

The mechanism of using it is pretty simple, it’s essentially just a vagina contained in a cylinder. To use it, do as you would with a vagina or any other masturbator toy, simply insert your penis with a bit of lube and thrust.

Depending on the model, you can either finish inside the unit, or the end is open.

There are multiple types of toys, including ones made specifically for increasing sexual stamina, or practicing your technique.

So, what’s the proper technique for using the fleshlight? 

Here are the detailed steps on how to use it properly.

1. Use Lube

Lubrication is essential for a smooth and enjoyable experience.

It reduces friction, improves pleasure, and prevents any discomfort that might happen due to a lack of natural lubrication.

It’s best to use water-based lubricants for fleshlights and other types of sex toys.

Apply Water-Based Lubricants

Water-based lubricants are the best choice for Fleshlights and other sex toys. Why? They have several key benefits:

  • Safe for all materials: Water-based lubes are compatible with all Fleshlight materials, unlike silicone-based lubes which can degrade the material over time.
  • Easy to clean: They wash off easily with just water, making cleanup an easy task.
  • Non-staining: Water-based lubes do not stain clothes or bedsheets, giving you one less thing to worry about.
  • Body-friendly: These lubes are less likely to cause irritation and are usually hypoallergenic.

How To Apply Properly

Applying lube to your Fleshlight is a simple process. Here are some tips to make sure you do it right:

  1. Start with a small amount: You can always add more lube if needed, but starting with too much can be messy.
  2. Apply directly to the Fleshlight and yourself: Make sure both the entry of the Fleshlight and your penis are well-lubricated.
  3. Spread evenly: Use your fingers to spread the lube evenly inside the Fleshlight. You have to make sure the entirety of the toy is lubricated, so you don’t accidentally hurt yourself thrusting into a dry area.
  4. Reapply as needed: During longer sessions, you might need to add more lube to maintain optimal comfort.

2. Penetrate & Thrust

A lot of people love fleshlights and masturbator cups, but knowing how to penetrate and thrust properly can make all the difference.

Technique matters, and it helps you get a more enjoyable and realistic experience, as well as replicate the intense sensations of intercourse and help you increase your sexual stamina.

Here are two ways you can use the fleshlight.

Stroke By Hand

Using a Fleshlight by hand is straightforward and gives you full control over the speed and intensity of your strokes. Here’s how to get the best results:

  1. Grip It Right: Hold the Fleshlight firmly, but not too tight. You want to mimic a natural grip. Adjust as needed to what feels best for you. 
  2. Go Slow at First: Start with slow, deliberate strokes when you first penetrate the Fleshlight. This helps spread the lube evenly and gets you used to the sensation. 
  3. Change Up the Speed: Once you’re comfortable, vary your speed. Alternate between fast and slow thrusts to build up stimulation. This keeps things interesting and can simulate different sexual experiences. 
  4. Experiment with Angles: Just like sex, using the same angles all the time gets boring. Tilt the Fleshlight slightly to target different areas. This can help hit more sensitive spots just like during real sex. 
  5. Use the Vent Cap: The Fleshlight has a vent cap at the end of the sleeve. Adjusting it can change the suction level, giving you even more control over the sensation. Make sure you find your favorite setting.

Stroke Hands-Free

If you like doing it with your hands-free, there’s no reason why you couldn’t do that.

Here’s how to do it:

  1. Use a Mount: There are mounts designed specifically for holding Fleshlights. Attach your Fleshlight to the mount, and position it at a comfortable height. This setup allows you to thrust just like you would during actual intercourse. There are also plenty of masturbators that can be used hand-free. 
  2. Secure Under Pillows: If you don’t have a mount, you can use pillows. Place the Fleshlight between two pillows or in a couch cushion to keep it steady. Ensure it’s secure enough to not move around too much. 
  3. Try a Shower Mount: For a different sensation, consider a shower mount. These are suction-based holders that stick to your shower wall, allowing you to thrust while standing. 
  4. Leverage Furniture: Get creative with your surroundings. Use a chair or edge of a bed to position the Fleshlight. This can mimic different sexual positions and add variety to your sessions. 
  5. Hands-Free Devices: Advanced hands-free devices like Aby – Automatic Anal Masturbator can automate the stroking for you. These can sync with VR or adult content for an even more immersive experience.

3. Common Mistakes to Avoid

Like we mentioned, using the fleshlight can be an amazing experience, but there are common mistakes that many beginners make.

Avoid these to make sure you don’t accidentally ruin your pleasure.

Don’t Overuse Lubricant

Lubricant is essential when using a Fleshlight, but using too much can be counterproductive. Finding the right balance might take you some time, but you’ll get there eventually.

  1. Slippery Mess: Too much lube can make things excessively slippery, reducing the sensation that you’re looking for. Instead of enhancing the experience, it can make it feel less realistic and more like you’re just sliding around. 
  2. Leakage: Excessive lube can leak out, causing a mess that you’ll need to clean up later. This can be especially problematic if you’re using your Fleshlight on furniture or in bed. 
  3. Application Tips: 
    • Start Small: Begin with a small amount of lube and gradually add more if needed.
    • Focus on Essentials: Apply lube to both the entrance of the Fleshlight and yourself.
    • Even Distribution: Make sure the lube is spread evenly to avoid dry spots and maintain consistent sensation throughout.

Improper Cleaning

Proper cleaning of your Fleshlight is crucial for both your health and the longevity of the toy. Ignoring this can lead to various issues.

Properly cleaning your fleshlight isn’t only important for the experience and pleasure you get, but also for your health and the lifetime of the toy.

Ignoring proper cleaning can lead to a ton of different issues, which you do not want to have.

Here are some:

  1. Bacteria Growth: Not cleaning your Fleshlight properly can lead to bacteria and mold growth. This can cause infections and unpleasant odors. 
  2. Material Damage: Using inappropriate cleaning methods or products can damage the Fleshlight’s material. This might result in tears or a sticky texture.

How to Maintain Your Fleshlight:

  • Rinse with Warm Water: After each use, rinse the sleeve thoroughly with warm water.
  • Use a Toy Cleaner: Special cleaners are designed to clean the toy without damaging it.
  • Dry Completely: Make sure the Fleshlight is completely dry before storing it to prevent any mold. You can air dry it or use a clean, lint-free cloth.
  • Avoid Soap: Regular soaps can be too harsh and degrade the material. Stick to products specifically designed for sex toys.

4. How To Enhance Your Experience

To get the most out of your Fleshlight, trying out new methods and accessories can take things to the next level. From integrating advanced technology like VR to using handy accessories, there are several ways to heighten your pleasure. Let’s explore some of these exciting enhancements.

There are plenty of ways you can improve the experience of a Fleshlight, and with technology, this is becoming a more explored field.

Some of the ways you can enhance your experience is:

Using VR and Porn

Imagine combining the physical sensation of your Fleshlight with highly realistic virtual reality (VR) experiences. Sounds amazing, right? By using VR and pornography, you can improve your solo sessions to feel more like real-life interactions.

  1. VR Headsets: Devices like the Oculus Rift or the HTC Vive can transport you to a different world. When paired with VR adult content, these headsets make the experience incredibly lifelike. 
  2. Interactive Content: Many VR adult videos are designed to sync with your movements. By coordinating your thrusts with what’s happening on screen, you can create a highly immersive experience. 
  3. 360-Degree Videos: Unlike traditional videos, 360-degree VR content allows you to look around and explore different angles, adding to the realism.

Fleshlight Accessories

Adding some accessories into the mix is a great way to make your fleshlight feel more pleasurable.

  1. Mounts: These are perfect for hands-free pleasure. Handsfree masturbators or holders can hold your toy securely in place, letting you thrust naturally like during intercourse. Some even attach to furniture or have suction bases for the shower.
  2. Warmers: If you’ve ever wished your fleshlight felt more like the real deal, a fleshlight warmer is a great investment. It heats the inner sleeve to body temperature, making each session feel incredibly realistic.
  3. Stamina Training Units (STU): These specially designed Fleshlights help you last longer by mimicking different kinds of sensations and pressures. They’re great for building up endurance.
  4. Cleaning Supplies: Proper cleaning extends the life of your toy, so make sure to have cleaning supplies ready and clean it after each use.


Even if you’re a beginner with no previous experience in adult sex toys or a daily professional, it’s important to understand how to treat your fleshlight properly to avoid any health issues.

Stay safe, clean your toy properly, and most importantly, enjoy the pleasure it brings responsibly.

Leave a Reply