Sex Ed, Sex Toys

What is Demisexuality?

Two vulva-owners enjoying the blue skies

Many people discuss having a genuine, profound connection with someone before desiring to engage in sexual activity. After all, sex isn’t only about the body for some people; it’s also about trust and emotion. Our chances of having pleasurable sex increase when we feel in control, stand up for our wants and embrace who we are. One-night stands, casual intercourse, and, in certain situations, kissing a stranger is often frowned upon by those in society who not only seek to link sentiments to sexual desire but also see it as a need.

You may be a demisexual if this sexually-oriented way of life best describes your feelings about sex, emotion, and relationships. While the precise number of demisexual people in India is unknown, there are more than 69,000 users of this subreddit dedicated to the topic, more than two million mentions of #demisexual on Instagram, and more than 266 million mentions of the topic on TikTok.

To learn more about this orientation, continue reading!

What is Demisexuality?

A person who has a demisexual orientation only experiences sexual attraction for others with whom they share an emotional connection. When compared to the general population, most demisexuals experience sexual desire only infrequently, and several have little to no interest in sexual behaviour. To learn more about this orientation, continue reading!

Is demisexuality a recent concept?

According to The Independent, the word “demisexual” first appeared in 2006 on the website of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, a website created in 2001 to serve as a resource on all things asexual. Since then, more and more people have begun to identify as the orientation.

It is undoubtedly true that younger people make up the majority of the population, and this is large because the asexual community was born online. Asexual individuals didn’t start talking about something that had always been but now had a vocabulary until 2001.

What sort of emotional connection do demisexuals require for sex to be attractive?

Depending on the individual demisexual’s experiences, it differs. Since emotional closeness is typically a key factor, some demisexuals discover that they are attracted to intimate friends or love partners. Other factors could include becoming familiar with the individual and knowing things about them, such as discovering their personality traits.

However, developing an emotional connection does not automatically result in sexual desire. It is only a necessity for it to take place at all. The time needed to create an emotional connection might differ. For certain demisexuals, it happens after a long time period of being good friends with someone; for others, it could be a brief but intense encounter, like going on a weeklong trip overseas with them.

Is it typical to want sex just after becoming familiar with someone?

Desiring to have sex with someone differs from being sexually attracted to them. You can’t control whether you feel attracted to someone sexually; it’s either you do or you don’t. You have no option in the issue since you cannot compel something to happen or disappear. But at the other side, sexual conduct is something you may choose to engage in or not.

Regardless of whether they have a strong emotional connection with someone, the majority of non-sexual persons experience sexual desire. They may have sentiments for famous individuals, popular classmates or coworkers, or attractive persons they pass on the street. But there are many reasons why someone can decide against having sex right away, including the fact that it may not be possible or suitable, the need to ensure that the other person is nice and polite, the violation of their religious convictions, the desire to only engage in sex in love relationships, etc. The distinction is that demisexuals don’t initially experience any of these sexual sensations.

How do asexuality, the asexual spectrum, and demisexuality relate to one another?

One who is devoid of any sexual desire or interest in having sex is said to be asexual. Although the former description is more common, some asexuals adopt the latter. Both are acceptable and legitimate.) Demisexuals are regarded as being on the asexual spectrum, which means that they are almost asexual but not quite. Asexuality is one extreme of the asexual continuum, while non-asexuality is the other.

Since most demisexuals don’t experience sexual desire, they are seen as belonging to the asexual group. Many demisexuals only feel attraction for a few, or even just one, the person in their whole existence. Demisexuals often lack a sexual desire, hence they share many traits with asexuals.

They are capable of experiencing sexual attraction, which distinguishes them from asexuals; however, they can only do so if they have developed a strong emotional attachment with someone.

What indications point to demisexuality?

We can better explain our experiences using language. People may choose to identify as demisexual if they encounter descriptions of demisexuality or read the tales of demisexual people that resonate with them.

If you’re unsure whether you’re demisexual, try posing these queries to yourself:

  • Do I value sexual attraction in general?
  • Do my relationships—both current and future—involve me in any way that might make me feel attracted sexually?
  • Who have I previously been sexually attracted to? What kind of a bond did we have? When I first got to know them, did I feel drawn to them, or did I not feel that way until later?
  • Do I ever feel drawn to strangers or unfamiliar people?
  • How much time must pass before I sense a connection with someone?
  • Are relationships a significant aspect of the plot when I envision my future? If so, what types of relationships (romantic, platonic, family) am I currently in?

When Tinder introduced nearly 40 new gender- and sexual-oriented definition options in December 2016, it welcomed users from all demographics, including transgender, gender-nonconforming, bigender, and pangender, into a social dating environment that had previously overlooked the diversity of sexual orientations.

Why is it necessary to classify demisexuals?

Demisexuals who wear the term develop a deeper sense of self and of belonging. They discover that there are people out there who are similar to them and that there is a community to help them thanks to this designation. Demisexuals can connect with like-minded individuals in this group, get tips on surviving in a sexually charged environment, and get emotional support. Because of this branding, the community comes together, giving its members a sense of identity and security.

Demisexuals frequently experience differences from their peers as they grow up. The majority of people experience their initial sexual attraction throughout their preteen years. They start to grow curious and interested in sex after that, and they finally look forward to engaging in it. There is a lot of discussion about sex among kids and teenagers in school, including what it is like, how it will be, etc. As students get closer to college and the beginning of adulthood, this happens more frequently.

Due to their lack of interest in sex, their inability to find others sexually appealing, or both, demisexuals frequently feel excluded from these dialogues. Demisexuals could be perplexed when the topic of hot celebrities comes up and wonder what their pals are seeing and feeling. They ponder whether they may experience it in the future, and some people even describe feeling “broken.” Demisexuals who are aware of their peers’ existence feel less alone.

Famous last words…

Many people who identify as demisexual are simply relieved that there is a label for their sexuality, even if you will probably have to explain it to potential partners in the future.

Coming out of the closet, is a lifelong process of dismantling internalized social constructions and stigmas in a culture that enforces cisgender heterosexuality.

Team Manzuri continues to envision a society in which no one is required to come out because everyone’s sexual orientation will be accepted as fluid and unimportant.